Karenly (thewayupward) wrote in jaboom,

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Since Shakespeare wrote so long ago, he must have written in Laytin!

A Tale for Dangerous Subversives, by Dangerous Subversives
Composed with Speed and Alacrity During English Class
at the Expense of Grace and Precision
But Who Are You to Complain
We Know More Latin Than You
Even if We Sometimes Misuse It, Like here
Nevertheless We Know How to Use It Properly
and Will Do So at the Slightest Provocation
Like if You Comment Complaining that We Are Stupid
Damn I Hate Capitalising Titles
maybe i should just stop altogether

We begin this story in medias res, in Toto, a magical kingdom where the status quo was being challenged by a charming southern belle who was called Snow White. IN the ante meridien o a sunny day ante bellum, she thought she had bought a bona fide apple. She reasoned, a priori, since it looks like an apple and smells like an apple, ergo, it must be an apple. Apples are good to eat. So saying, she fell over in a dead faint.

Awakening, she found herself in the arms of her prince, Al. "Omnia vincit amor," he said, having had a sound classical educaton. George Bush is a dangerous lunatic. This last remark is a non-sequitur and will have to be deleted for the sake of logic and coherence. Continuing with our tale, Snow White declared, "You saved my life!"

"Um, not per se," said Prince Al. "Since you had not consumed the apple in toto, I merely performed the Heimlich manoeuvre, thus expelling the apple from your windpipe." Together they engaged a competent lawyer, ex officio, to fight for their rights, ex post facto. Yet the apple seller claimed caveat emptor and refused to refund quid pro quo. So they beat him within an inch of his life and he died, deus ex machina.

And Snow White, et Al (her aforementioned prince), lived happily ever after, et cetera, ad nauseam. So ends our magnum opus.
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